i am so very tired.

i really am tired. in my body and in my mind. i am so so tired of keeping things inside me. i just want to say it all out to anyone who will listen. i am so hungry. and i am so tired of being hungry. but i need to be thin, and i'm a fat cow. i am so fed up, i want to cry all the time. i'm sick of pushing myself so hard at college and it's never enough, i never feel anything but lazy. i'm sick of living out of a suitcase and i'm sick of being ungrateful. i'm sick of not getting off my fucking fat backside and doing some exercise. i'm sick of being so weak. but most of all, and the reason i am still doing this, i'm sick of being fat. i just need one escape. i want to take drugs but i am too scared my school work will suffer and i cannot allow that. i haven't been drunk in so long, friday i will be shit faced. i need a release. i cannot cut any more, the scars are too much and i can't take any more self hatred. i.am.so.tired.